Are you co-dependent?

Yes No
[] [] My good feelings about myself stem from being liked by you.

[] [] My good feelings about myself stem from getting your approval.

[] [] My mental attention focuses on relieving your pain

[] [] My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.

[] [] My own interests are set aside for your interests.

[] [] Your behavior is a reflection of me.

[] [] I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of you feel.

[] [] My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.

[] [] My fear of your anger determines what I say or do

[] [] I put my values aside in order to connect with you.

[] [] I value your opinion more than I do my own


If you have marked yes to more than two of these questions, you might be codependent. Consider the following suggestions to becoming independent.

1. Do you agree just to agree?
Codependents agree because they are afraid of confrontation; they just want to keep peace at any cost. Take a risk! The next time you honestly have a different opinion from someone, take a chance and say so. It will feel great!

2. Do you fear repercussions from others when you confront them?
Codependents are under the illusion that everyone needs to be happy all of the time; they do not want to ever experience conflict.
People must learn to deal with their own issues. You can’t solve them all for them. Conflict is growth and we all need to grow.

3. Can you distinguish between gut feelings and emotions?
Codependents have conditioned themselves to always being wrong.
They ignore the “gut feeling” and respond only to emotional pleas or promises.
Sometimes you just “know” what you know. Learn to trust that feeling and ignore the emotional pleas and begging from those who would manipulate you.

4. Do you believe everyone who "advises" you?
Keep counsel with only a selected few. Remember, not everyone will tell you the truth. Maintain counsel with tried and true friends, maybe even a counselor or therapist.
Be aware that people may try to manipulate or control you by misuse of Bible scripture!
There are some Christians who might say “God says…” to convince you to do something that will benefit them, not you.

5. Do you find it difficult to say no?
Codependents must set their own boundaries and realize it is not merely being “selfish.”
You must protect your own personal resources of time, money, and energy. Generally, people don’t really mind if you say “no” – they will just go on to look for someone who will say yes.

6. Do you accept blame for something just to avoid a fight or a confrontation?
It is a matter of personal integrity to assign blame to the offending party. If you wrongly blame yourself, you are lying.

7. Do you feel you have to “rescue” a person from his or her own consequences?
Everyone needs to be responsible for his/her own actions and reap the consequences. It is the law of reaping and sowing. You may not reap others’ rewards or consequences.

Thanksgiving

As we prepare for the Thanksgiving holiday, we are letting go of some old traditions and starting new ones.

Our son, his wife, and our two precious grandchildren live in North Carolina. New jobs, promotions, distance, term papers, and the economy all contribute to the impracticality of a family reunion this year. But we are thankful for them and for the many blessings they represent in our lives.

We are also changing our menu for Thanksgiving dinner. As the chef around here, I am rejecting the fat, cholesterol, and empty carbohydrates that have characterized holiday dinners in the past. No more pumpkin pie, sugar cookies, no-bakes, or caramel apple pies. The candied yams will have to go, along with the mounds of buttery, creamy mashed potatoes. No more scalloped corn or biscuits.

Well, we will have the roasted turkey, but I have a new recipe that adds flavor as it draws out the fat in the turkey. A pesto of cilantro or celery leaves inserted between the meat and the top skin cuts out a huge % of fat! I am still making dressing, but I am adding my own spices, using whole wheat bread and omega-3 eggs, and lean turkey broth.

Sweet potato casserole from fresh vegetables replace the oh-so-sweet candied yams of yesteryear. They will have an added crunch of pecans with some sugar-free maple syrup as a topping.

Mashed potatoes with skim milk and heart-healthy margarine will be served with thickened turkey broth.

For dessert, I am trying completely new recipes. We will still have pumpkin, but instead of the traditional pie served with whipped cream, I will make a pumpkin mousse made with low-fat ricotta cheese.

The other dessert, just to try, is a pear and raspberry strudel, made with phyllo dough. Fresh pears baked in the strudel and served with fresh raspberries.

Cookies to fill up the cooky jar will be oatmeal with dried cranberries and white chocolate chips. The secret to these delicious cookies is adding a little orange extract to the regular vanilla flavoring.

And cranberry salsa for the turkey.

Heart-healthy recipes from my cookbook library will add to the new holiday "flavor," as it were! :)

We are very thankful for all of the blessings we enjoy. Our children, our families, our church family, all the people God has placed in our lives.

We are thankful for our home and the beautiful kitchen I can work in. Our puppy Buddy, and of course, each other.

Thank you Father God for your Son, our Savior, and the life you have so richly blessed us with. To You be all the glory and the honor and praise!

Thank you, Jesus!

Manners are a good thing! Saying 'Please' and 'Thank you' and 'You're welcome' and 'Excuse me' are all good things. Yes, Martha, yes Emily, good things.

Sometimes we repeat those phrases to make a point, to emphasize our gratitude, to acknowledge another's consideration. And maybe sometimes it is a habit. A good habit, perhaps but a habit nonetheless. Manners should be deliberate and on purpose. They should be conscious and sincere.

I hear a lot of thank you, Jesus. I say it a lot, too. We have so much for which to be thankful to Jesus. But I want to make it a conscious deliberate acknowledgment of what He did for me, for all of us. Sometimes I find myself thanking a store clerk for a refund with more emotion than I thank Jesus for saving me from eternal damnation. I say excuse me or I'm sorry when someone bumps into me in a line, but what I really need to do is ask Jesus for forgiveness, with at least the same degree of remorse!

He suffered and died a horrible death, a lonely life. He was often misunderstood, often ill-treated. He was betrayed, denied, and tortured. No matter what we do, or did, or will do, He asks His Father to forgive us. And He is able and just to forgive us of our sins.

He is everything. He is all. Without Him, we can do nothing.
Thank you, Jesus!

Summer's end...

Summer is almost over. This summer was a bit reminiscent of the childhood ones of long ago. Maybe because I entertained three adolescents this year. We cooked, sewed, had library days,movie days,swimming, walks when it wasn't quite so hot, browsing around little shops and stores ... lots of fun things. Some things didn't happen daily -- the daily devotions, goal planning, etc. I had gotten most of that done by the time the kids came, and being "summer" didn't insist that they participate. That might be better accomplished at home.

School starts soon. I have been readying my classroom, updating papers, notes, schedules, decor. Washing curtains, pillows, desks, windows.... I want school to start. I have lots of new goals, new dreams, new plans to execute this year, so I am looking forward to building the structure that allows me to operate at my best.

New students, new year, new everything!
Welcome August 24th!

Thank You

There are so many ways to say thank you. I like to accompany my expressions of gratitude with a gift or a sincere compliment; maybe an example of how a person's gifting has blessed my life.

My sister deserves a thank you. She has blessed me with an amazing monetary gift, enough to take care of quite a few immediate financial worries! But what I am truly grateful for is the fact that she listened, she heard, and she responded out of compassion and love. In her matter-of-fact, practical way, she tried to convey her reasoning to me, the whys and the wherefores. Reason has nothing to do with the love and the generosity and concern that she made apparent through her gift. I love this woman! Because she gifted me? Because she saw a need and she filled it? Obviously, I am thankful for that, but I am really thankful for the blessed woman of God that is my sister, who she is. She did what she did because of who she is, and I love who she is.

She is there when I need to talk, to share. It's funny, she thinks that is a one-way street with us! Oh, if she only knew how her cute little Texan drawl anchors me to reality when I am flying away, when I am trying to escape.
If she only knew how gratifying it is that she asks for and actually heeds what I tell her what I've learned in my psychology classes. She could be my "Experimental Psych" class project! I practice my counseling listening skills on her, she thanks me! I made an audio tape for her one time as she was going through some scary medical moments -- she played it over and over to hear the voice of her big sister singing to her just as when we were children -- what a precious memory. She felt safe and I needed her to feel safe with me!

She takes care of our Mama, almost 90 now. She does so many things that we should never, ever take for granted. She asks for nothing in return, just a little time on the phone to connect. She preserves that bond, that sister bond so beautifully. When this sister was a tiny little girl, she always had her "banky" -- a tattered little baby blanket that was her constant companion. One day I got some fabric (from another darling sister -- more about her later!:) and it reminded me of her. I pieced together a quilt for her, stitched it all by hand so that all the love I could bring was sewn into that little quilt, that comforter. All the things I couldn't say, didn't say, is represented by a million little stitches. Thank you, sister.

God talented me with a sewing skill, and an imagination to go with it. This skill has always served as an avenue for blessing. It seems to go perfect with a "Thank You." I had to make another quilt. I signed it, and stitched a tiny thank you in one corner. This one is for the young lady, not a sister, not a daughter, but a treasured friend who gave me the chance to find my voice, to write the next chapter of my testimony. She believed in me, she had faith in me, she encouraged me to do it, to speak at an organized women's retreat that hosted 200 women! She emphasized by her encouragement that I indeed did have favor. She pointed out that I had the anointing to teach this lesson. She placed value on me and I received it as I had not before received. Value, she recognized me as a woman of worth, and I understood that God was trying to convey this message to me for a long time. She is a wise and caring person who deserves way more than I could possibly do for her. I ask that God bless her immeasurably. Thank you, Friend.

Thank you, Father, for the treasures you placed in my life.

What Teachers Make

WHAT TEACHERS MAKE

A poem by: Taylor Mali

The dinner guests were sitting around the table
discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain
the problem with education. He argued:
"What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided
his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests that it's true
what they say about teachers: "Those who can...do.
Those who can't ... teach."

To corroborate, he said to another guest: "You're a
teacher, Susan," he said. "Be honest. What do you
make?"

Susan, who had a reputation of honesty and frankness,
replied, "You want to know what I make?"

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they
could. I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional Medal
of Honor and an A- feel like a slap in the face if the
student did not do his or her very best."

"I can make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence."

"I can make parents tremble in fear when I call home"

"You want to know what I make?"

"I make kids wonder."

"I make them question."

"I make them criticize."

"I make them apologize and mean it."

"I make them write."

"I make them read, read, read."

"I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely
beautiful, and definitely beautiful over and over and
over again, until they will never misspell either one
of those words again."

"I make them show all their work in math and hide it
all on their final drafts in English."

"I make them understand that if you have the brains,
then follow your heart...and if someone ever tries to
judge you by what you make, you pay them no
attention!"

"You want to know what I make?"

"I make a difference."

"And you? What do you make?"

Speak up!

I've been told all of my life to "speak up!" I also heard:
"Don't be so shy, nobody will bite you."
"Shut up!"
"She doesn't have anything to say now; I guess I told her!"
"Oh, here we go again, more stories."
--all of which served to silence me.

You get the picture.

God doesn't have a time line, that I understand anyway. Is it too late at 50+ to break the silence? If I were asked that question in my 30s, I'd think, why bother then! What difference could it make by then?

satan began to steal my voice when I was about 4 years old. Later, he let me think I got it back, accessed through the use of alcohol and drugs. Oh, the things I said.....even a pirate would flunk one of my vocabulary tests back then, if you know what I mean!


I had an amazing opportunity to share with 200 women this past weekend. At first, I prayed for a good hair day; I mean how could I stand in front of everyone with weird hair? Oh, this is all about me -- wait, no it isn't, it's about what God wants me to do -- then I asked God to give me an anointing to reach whomever needed to hear this word, to "shake something loose" as a sweet friend of mine so aptly phrased it.

I shared my testimony, well, part of it -- I ran out of time. I trust that was God's doing as well. Did my words help anyone? Probably, but I don't know that personally. I did receive a lot of feedback on my particular brand of humor. In short, I made people laugh; that was fun! What I now know is that being willing to share, and preparing based on what I felt in my heart, and the act of speaking itself gave me a brand new testimony:

I found my voice.

And I had fun in that discovery!
There is an indescribable freedom in following the plan God has for your life as you learn it. He reveals each step as it comes, as He readies and equips you for it.