Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Christmas

Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
...To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.

Thank you, Mr. Oren Arnold for this quote. It seemed to strike me in a new way -- that gifts truly aren't about money and wrappable presents....

I see and hear all over how people are talking about gifts, what they want to get for a special someone, how not being able to afford for anyone but family, how they wish they could do this or do that..... And finding that perfect gift.... And secretly I envy them. I would so love to just go shopping, shopping, shopping! The current economy has forced me to look at things a bit differently. And maybe that is a good thing!

Because this year we truly will not be buying gifts for people. Oh, my list would be long, indeed, if I would include everyone. For my precious family, I spent two entire days making and decorating dozens and dozens of Christmas cookies. I made their favorites. The main ingredient is love, and it is added to the recipe in abundance! It is a gift of time, of love, and of connection. Knowing how much they enjoyed our traditional family cookie baking spree, I pictured them tasting the sweet confections and smiling from ear to ear. No matter how many cookies are made, towards the end, we always ration them, don't we! :) To savor the taste of Christmas, the sugar of love, and the sweetness of family connections. If we made cookies more often than at the holiday season, I don't think they would taste nearly as good, nor carry the same importance.

So, Mr. Arnold, I do forgive my enemies, if I have any. Not sure that I do, but at least I will suspend my opinions of people if they are doing/saying something I may not like -- although there are fewer and fewer instances of that as I grow older....

Opponent? I don't know who that would be really.... I don't compete with anyone, perhaps with the exception of myself.

My friends have my heart, as they have for many years; and I've added new ones as my heart grows larger with the years ....

Service? Yes, service to our neighbors, harried store clerks, frustrated waitresses, with the gift of understanding and patience. And that is charity.

Children -- speak positively, kindly, and generously to the little ones, and medium sized ones, too. They remember much more than we think. They may take kindnesses as expected, seemingly forgotten, but hurt and wrongs will be emblazoned on their little hearts for a long time.

And, yes, respect for myself. Not because of who I am but because of to Whom I belong.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving

I remember the days...... oh, so long ago, when my babies were little, money was scarce, and time was long. I worked in the food and beverage industry. Restaurants, pubs, they were open all the time. Even on holidays. And they always needed servers. Back in those days, after your shift, you would get a nice big dinner, and if you were really lucky, you could take some home for your kids. We were always so thankful for such feasts that consisted of more than potatoes and eggs or macaroni 'n cheese, the 4 for $1 boxes.

One time I worked in a pizzaria. The best pizza around, and we had this delicious treat for Thanksgiving dinner that year. A large pie would serve dinner and either a midnight snack or even breakfast. Nothing like pizza for breakfast! We wasted not a bite! My son had his fill of pizza that day, and he had left the crunchy crusts on his plate.

I said, "Zach, are you sure you're done?"

He said, "Mommy, do I have to eat the bones?"

Extravagant waste! :) (I kept them for a snack.)

I haven't worked in the service industry for so, so long. It seems a lifetime ago. But I remember getting up early while other people were putting the turkey in the roasting pan and preparing the family meal, that I was getting dressed in my uniform, putting my hair in a ponytail, sometimes sloshing through the year's early snow and slush. I put on a smile. Without the smile I would get no tips. I needed tips.


So this Thanksgiving, I have no more babies. In fact, they have their own babies, and they are growing up fast. They live far away and we can't get together this holiday season. We went out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner. It was fun seeing all the people out, wondering why they were there on this most special holiday. And maybe the servers wanted to work, maybe they had to work; whatever the case, we blessed our waitress with a nice financial blessing. We tipped 100%+ for our meal. She was so surprised! And that was fun to see.

Thank you to all of you servers who sacrifice your time and your family time to serve strangers their dinners. May you be richly blessed!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Forever love.....

If you love her, then she is irreplaceable.

If you love how you feel when she is with you, then almost anybody will fit the bill.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Biblical Counseling and the Church: Who Can Counsel?

While there may be no truly effective counsel without God, is there no hope for those who do not know God? Are those without church affiliation bereft of counsel, divine or otherwise? Is there a line drawn in the sand between psychology and Godly counsel?

An entire discipline cannot be contrasted with a single declaration of faith. One does not replace the other. Psychology is not the opposite of Biblical truth; neither are the two concepts mutually exclusive of one another. Applied psychology is simply a key that has the ability to unlock a heart closed by pain and to allow the Word of God to heal that heart.

Traditional fundamental Christians who assert that the Bible is the source of all knowledge disparage all other forms of wisdom, specifically in the area of psychology. The original meaning of the word psychology came from the Greek word psyche, meaning mind, and the suffix ology, meaning the study of. In other words, psychology is a science that studies the mind and deals with mental processes and the resulting behavior. The now- recognized discipline of psychology was birthed in philosophy, which is described as that which deals with the soul and the mind and their relationship to life and life’s functions. Because the topic of study is the mind, something that is neither tangible nor fully describable, conclusions are very often subjective, therefore easy for critics to hold in contempt. Within the broad scope of psychology is included a number of expressions: child psychology, educational psychology, social, sports, and comparative psychology, to name a few. Research psychology investigates the rationale of human behavior through measurable and compelling kinds of studies and methodologies to provide evidence for varying hypotheses concerning the human condition. Applied psychology, which is most often referred to when discussing the general topic of psychology, describes many approaches such as behaviorist, cognitive behavior, psychodynamic, physiological, humanistic, and social constructionist. It is practiced as counsel or therapy by a counselor or a therapist. Many of these approaches employ a number of psychological tools such as questionnaires, introspection, emotional intelligence, and temperament theory, to mention only a few.

All counsel is not necessarily found in a psychologist’s office or a psychoanalysist’s couch. Alternatively, those who counsel using the Word of God are not exclusive dispensers of consolation or comfort. Education and training are not strictly confined to the secular arena.

The Word of God has much to say about counsel and comfort. A student of the Word will discover many different perspectives using word studies and conceptual research. These guidelines may be imparted through personal study or as the result of another’s efforts. The same guidelines may possibly be combined with experience or further study through the use of various tools; however, every iota of advice or counsel is still subordinate to the sovereign will of God.

One of the most oft mentioned descriptors of friendship is empathy. Individuals are able to understand the fears or tears or the unspoken grief of their friends perhaps because of previous experiences that are comparable. Referring to God as the “Father of all mercies, and the God of all comfort” the Apostle Paul says he “ comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God (II Corinthians 1:3-4 KJV). The Apostle Paul also addresses the members of the new church in Thessalonica:
“… comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” (I Thess.5:11, NKJV). In these Scriptures and many others similar to them, the Bible seems to endorse peer counseling with regard to sympathy and encouragement, as in providing “a shoulder to lean on.” And in the voice of present day counseling psychology, Paul advises the brethren to “warn those that are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, and be patient with all” (I Thess. 5:14, NKJV). Mothers can comfort their children as no one else can. Little ones will silence cries only in the arms of their mothers. The prophet Isaiah proclaims the Word of the Lord in the last chapter of his book as God analogizes the comfort of a mother to His comfort: “As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you: and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem” (Isaiah 66:13 KJV). God created the unique and special relationship between a mother and her child. A mother’s comfort is second to none but the comfort of the Father, the Creator.

The beloved Apostle John specifically refers to grief counseling when he relates the story of the two sisters on the death of their brother Lazarus: “And many of the Jews came to Martha and Mary, to comfort them concerning their brother.” (John 11:19 KJV). In funeral traditions of today, many gather to pay their respects to the deceased and offer condolences to the surviving family members. One of the main functions of a funeral director is not only to prepare the deceased for burial, but to console the grief-stricken and provide them with solace.

The Bridge is the name of a group of peer counselors at Stanford University in California who make themselves available to students and others in neighboring communities. They are prepared to simply listen or talk if necessary, but their goal is to help their clients to develop their own solutions through personal interaction. The counselor or listener may remain silent as the client is encouraged to talk, often articulating their own recovery process. A good counselor listens and guides his client to a solution. A friend listens and can achieve the same outcome. The volunteer staff of The Bridge undergo a ten week-training program to begin, followed by ongoing training and evaluation. They undergo periodic refresher classes to stay sensitive and informed.

Too much sorrow or regret may create a bondage for the afflicted that prevents healing. Friends forgive each other and in doing so promote comfort as well. The apostle Paul instructs the church at Corinth that they should “forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow (II Cor. 2:7 KJV). “Overmuch sorrow” could definitely be correlated to modern day depression, the number one reason why people seek a listening ear of any kind.

For the fact-finder reluctant to share personal information, there are other, more solitary alternatives to professional counseling or peer-counseling. Library shelves and bookstore shelves are lined with self-help books found not only in psychological categories, but religious ones as well. One such book is Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types, co-authored by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. The book focuses on the sixteen personality types identified by Keirsey to learn how to relate to self or peers to promote mutual understanding and interrelationship. God is a God of relationship.

Another option is to consult online counseling centers which often operate on a question and answer format. General topical information is presented, covering a range of relevant situations. Online Christian websites often identify sin and unforgiveness as the origin of many unresolved conflicts. Many websites utilize interactive questionnaires to identify personalities and/or temperaments of self and others to recognize certain relational scenarios common to all people. Self-knowledge and self-understanding provide a foundation for the way an individual views the world and its occupants and how to better relate from a particular perspective. Through time spent in the Scriptures and armed with even a rudimentary understanding of self, an individual may counsel him- or herself in certain matters where an honest perspective of oneself is reached. If a person is troubled with a situational predicament, he may draw on his own strength garnered from daily devotions and prayer. Teaching the ancient Romans, the apostle Paul says: “For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. (Romans 15:4. KJV).

Christian counseling is often contrasted with secular counseling, and many times presents a definite bias against the secular profession. CWIB, Clay Women in Business, is an organization that provides a networking system for business women in Clay County, Florida. They use their business-oriented website, in part, as a platform for popular opinion to draw distinctions between Christian counseling versus secular counseling. Such critics decry the validity of secular counseling and dismiss it wholly. Many aspects of secular counseling techniques may be applicable to the field of Christian counseling. To weigh the Creator against a human counselor refers to two different realms. God Himself does not physically sit in the counselor’s chair, but certainly may be represented by a human being.

The Question

The Christian Response

The Secular Response

Who is the counselor?

God

Professional

Who sits on the throne?

God

Self

What is the foundation of truth?

The Holy Bible

New Age, etc.

What is the focus?

Inside: Heart

Outside: Behavior

What is the purpose?

Character formation

Building self-esteem

What is desired outcome?

Make one holy

Make one happy

What parts of man’s nature is addressed?

Mind, body, and

spirit.

Mind (emotions, thoughts, will, behavior) and body

What is the goal?

Freedom

Coping

Partial chart is illustrated

This chart represents an anti-psychology viewpoint. It also ignores a few practical applications, labeled as “secular,” by which Truth is often sought. Semantics serve only to unnecessarily widen the gap between the two comparisons. A humanistic approach most certainly will not result in wholeness, but an understanding of self and confidence may open the door to the restorative power of the Word and the Creator. A client who has reached a functioning level of self-esteem more fully resembles a Christian who is surrendered to Christ. A healthy self-esteem does not constitute an introspective, self-centered view. The realization of the love of God essentially replaces even healthy self-esteem, as humility is comprehended. The client can look within himself and determine his own motivation, according to the love of the Father as he understands it. Likewise, a person who has achieved happiness is more likely to advance towards the joy and holiness that is available only through the Christian perspective. A troubled client who has developed coping strategies is more easily receptive to the idea of freedom in Christ. Secular counseling is not necessarily a “cure” in itself but perhaps it can be instrumental to wholeness and health in Jesus Christ.

The Pastoral Counseling Center hosts a website and is “dedicated to educating Christians for the ministry of pastoral counseling.” Its long-time association as a certified academic institution with NCCA, the National Christian Counseling Association, affords the organization credibility and high standing in the world of counseling. Counselors emerge licensed and insured through the intensive training program. Also provided are courses that lead to undergraduate and graduate degrees in Christian counseling. One of the main tools is the Arno Profile System which implements temperament theory, the God-given character of mankind. It provides a “reliable, insightful treatment model with excellent success rates.” The A.P.S. identifies individual strengths and weaknesses, and emotional needs, and then demonstrates to the client how to meet those needs in healthy ways.

Christian counselors also contrast their trade with the secular version of counseling. Secular counselors may not be legally permitted to use the Word of God or to advocate a personal relationship with Jesus as resources to achieve peace and direction. The Truth, in the person of Jesus Christ, is presented unreservedly and liberally to the Christian client. The laws of God provide a framework of instruction. The Psalmist responds to God: “Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors” (Psalm 119:24.) Christian counselors understand that secular counseling merely teaches a client compatible ways to live with a disorder, while Christian counseling teaches deliverance.

According to the Pastoral Counseling Center, meaningful credentials require a significant amount of training in uniquely Christian ways, along with a commitment to serve. Training also includes one-on-one supervision with a highly qualified and experienced counselor.

Both Christian and secular counselors who feel called to the profession acknowledge a sincere desire to help people. Most reputable counselors of both persuasions have advanced degrees and have spent years in learning to help lost souls find meaning and purpose to their lives. Both camps are trained not only to be sympathetic but analytical as well in dealing with various problems a client might have.

So, what specifically is Christian counseling? Does it come from a graduate of an NCCA-affiliated organization? Is it counseling with a mature Christian brother or sister? Is it counseling which uses the Bible exclusively as a text? Beneficial Christian counseling surpasses secular counseling in that it has as its source the indisputable moral standard and enduring ethics of the Bible while secular counseling ignores resources from the spiritual realm. Instead, secular counseling focuses on the mind, the emotions, and the resulting behavior. Christian counselors always give Scriptural advice; but in the case of a non-believer, the advice is not identified as such. Jesus is the Answer to any problem a potential client may have, whether he be a believer or not.

A Christian counselor, or to be more specific, a Biblical counselor is trained to recognize sin, for example, as the root of a problem. Unforgiveness may be the hindrance to peace. God must be at the center of a Christian’s life. Questions of belief and faith are answered according to the Word of God. Not only will a Christian/Biblical counselor teach his client about the Father’s love and His practical wisdom, but an effective counselor will also address other attributes of God such as His sovereignty, holiness, justice, and power to explain troublesome circumstances in the life of the client. The client will appreciate that obedience and submission to the will of God is the key to health and wholeness. As therapy continues, the client is advised to attend a local Spirit-filled church where he may be further equipped with the benefits of worship, preaching, spiritual gifts, and church discipline.

The Emmaus Center, a counseling center in the state of Washington, describes itself as one “that integrates Christian values with clinical psychology, partnering with local churches, families and individuals in order to bring spiritual, emotional, and physiological wellness into people’s lives.” This is the ideal counseling setting. Dr. Larry Crabb of The Emmaus Center describes Christian counseling in terms of levels. Level one defines friendship counseling as counseling by encouragement. This can be highly effective and is possible with a trusted, faithful friend. I Thessalonians 5:11 states that Christians “should comfort and edify one another.” Level two is called lay counseling; that which is counseling by exhortation. This level implies that one is more grounded in Scripture than the other, at least at the time of counsel. One of the conditions of this relationship is that both client and counselor should be of the same gender. The Scriptures are consulted and liturgy is taught. The Holy Spirit is often the agent by which comfort is achieved. Consider the words of Luke in Acts 9:31: “Then had the churches rest throughout all Judaea and Galilee and Samaria, and were edified; and walking in the fear of the Lord, and in the comfort of the Holy Ghost, were multiplied” (KJV). The third level applies clinical counseling, which is counseling by enlightenment. This level demands a truly Biblical worldview with a firm grasp on theology. The Bible is the final authority: “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to the dividing of soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12 NIV.) Counselors not only are grounded in Scripture but are also trained in techniques to uncover factors which are not apparent to the client or most casual observers. God does not look differently on health issues that concern the body or the mind or the emotions. Whether a person experience failing health of the body, the mind, or the emotions, God looks on the heart and discerns motivations. Many times an inner conflict will manifest as a physical ailment. Contrariwise, for example, depression may result from fatigue or chronic pain. Only the discerner of the heart can truly know the motivations, and knowing, He has already provided healing and restoration. “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) The many-sided suffering of Christ suggests comprehensive healing, including more than one area of need.

The third level of counseling as described by Dr. Crabb is the model by which effective Christian counseling successfully follows. For clients who have severe issues that threaten their emotional and spiritual well-being, the third level of Christian counseling addresses their needs. Qualified counselors may be licensed ones or clergy. The local pastor may be the preferred option for a person seeking counsel because certain expectations of training are taken for granted. As Christian counseling is not guaranteed simply because the counselor is a practicing Christian, neither is it because the counselor is a pastor. According to a study conducted by the Francis A. Schaeffer Institute of Church Leadership Development (FASICLD), 75% of the pastors surveyed acknowledged that their seminary training was inadequate with regard to personal counseling. Dr. Richard J. Krejcir a pastor himself, added the FASICLD study in his extensive exploration into the plight of America’s pastors. He carefully notes that he repeated his earlier findings to retest his data with two groups of pastors who were interviewed in separate years, and the results of both groups remained consistent. Some noteworthy observations are listed:

· 100% of the pastors surveyed had a close seminary associate who left the ministry because of a burn-out, a conflict in their church, or from a moral failure.

· 89% considered leaving the ministry themselves, and 57% would actually do so if there were a better offer, including the secular fields.

· 81% reported having no regular discipleship program, or mentoring program, or an effective effort to teach their congregation to deepen their Christian values at church. (Krejcir emphasizes that this pertains exclusively to Reformed or Evangelical, not the mainline pastors.)

· 77% felt that they did not have a good marriage.

· 72% said that they only studied the Bible when they were preparing for sermons. This concludes that 38% read the Bible for devotions and personal study.

· 71% battle depression on a weekly and even a daily basis.

· 38% were divorced or involved in a divorce process.

· 30% admitted to having an on-going affair or a one-time encounter with a parishioner.

· 26% had personal devotions but felt inadequately fed spiritually.

Only 23% of the pastors surveyed reported being happy with whom they are in Christ, and in their church, and in their homes. (Statistics on Pastors.) Pastors are human, and it must be remembered that ultimately, it is only God, in the person of Jesus Christ and by the power of the Holy Spirit who is the One who heals.

If a person finds himself in need of counseling, he would be prudent to explore his many options. The wise author of Proverbs says: “Counsel in the heart of man [is like] deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.” (Prov. 20:5 KJV.)

Who can draw out the counsel in your heart?

Who is your “man of understanding?”

Saturday, May 22, 2010

The Next Step

Last night I attended a very special graduation. My friend, classmate, and colleague received her master's degree. I am very proud of her.

I would have been on the stage with her but for the fact that I had taken a couple of semesters off, and it seemed too overwhelming to fit all of that into my already crowded schedule.

So my own personal date to receive my master's degree is set for next year, May 2011.

I had always wanted a degree. When I first wanted it, I was a child, so my goal was not as specified as it is now. I knew I wanted to learn, I knew I wanted to excel, and I knew that the subject matter revolved around human behavior and motivation.

When I first started this continuing education journey at a very late date -- colleges call people like me "non-traditional" students. Some call us "lifelong learners." I earned my general requirements, centered on a science path, and took off! As the day came nearer, I was so excited to have earned my first degree. It was an associates degree, general education. Big deal? Oh, yeah! I ordered the traditional cap and gown, practiced the march. The graduation music stirred my heart. I was validated, I was graduated! I had my diploma in hand.

Even as stood for a photograph, I knew I wasn't finished. Yes, I did get my degree, but it was a "little" one. I wanted more.

My first experience at "walking across the stage" was a giant step, not a little one. I pursued my dreams, enrolled in the university and emerged with a Bachelor of Science degree, Behavioral Sciences -- exactly what I planned! Now I was a college graduate. I had learned a vast store of knowledge. Before I didn't know what I didn't know, and now I knew that there was so much more.

My education veered to the right and I focused on what my home church's seminary had to offer. Because they offered a psychological track, I enrolled in psych classes and because it was a seminary, I also was required to take theological courses, Bible classes.

I had not at that time realized the benefit and the joy I would experience during this phase of my journey. I decided that there is no effective worthwhile counseling apart from God, so the more I knew about each, the more accomplished I would become.

You know the rest --- yes, I want to go for my doctorate. I will. It is the next logical step.

In the meantime, as a fourth grade teacher, I have added to my understanding of children, students, and people in general because of the exciting and wonderful path on which God has placed me.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Dianne

Sadness is knocking on our door again.
My big sister Dianne is teetering on the edge of now. She's leaning toward the horizon, seeming to fall behind that sharp line that swallows the sun.

She will be where the sunshine is. She is a part of sunshine, I think. The happy part, the innocent part. At least she has always illuminated my life. She was always there for me, chasing away the bitter darkness of rejection, the inky blackness of ridicule, and the shadows of aloneness.

Funny naive Dianne. Fiercely protective, unashamedly loyal. She is an honorable soldier in the battle of life. She fought lions for me. She wrestled bears for me. She stood tall and strong in the way of my tormentors, and chased them away. She made me feel safe. She taught me to be strong.

We both grew up. I learned lots of things that I could share with her. I had fought some of my own battles. And I won. I introduced her to my best Friend Jesus. She defended Him, too, only he didn't need her defense. In fact, she realized that it was He that had given her strength all along. And everything else that was worthwhile. He made her who she was and I think she recognized His love by the love He let her have for her friends and family. It made His love more real for her.

We are both old ladies now. Not so old, but not young. My warrior sister is tired. I was tired, too, a year or so back, but I regained energy; I still have things to do. Maybe Dianne will teeter behind that line where the sun disappears.

It will be a brighter, sunnier day when she does.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Relationships

Sometimes I just want to simplify my life and forget about relationships.

Arrange my day to suit myself. Me.
Go to work, a job that I absolutely love.
Focus on my cardio and strength training. 3 times a week! Walk every day!
Do my homework, gather my research and write papers for my master's program.
Read those books that I haven't had time for.

On the back burner goes the phone calls that would explain a misunderstanding.
Often it doesn't help anyway.
Take a message for the "Oh, I just couldn't talk that day" return caller.
Try to convince someone that I was serious, that I was grateful, that I didn't mean it that way, honestly my phone was not working....
Oh forget it.

"Seek to understand rather than to be understood."
"Be too big to take offense and too noble to give it."
"Pray for those that despitefully use you."
"Bless those that curse you."

All of that sounds good .....

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Forgive

The act of forgiveness should be a constant in any Christian's life.
Perhaps even practiced daily.

A very long time ago I said something I should not have said. For one thing it was spoken in reaction, in defense to a false charge. And because it was so emotionally charged, the words did not come out in the way I had intended. Misunderstanding evolved, and other people were drawn into it. A rupture in the relationship occurred. Sides were taken and each side took position in their camp.

The accusation stood.

A band-aid was put on the rupture, but it barely covered what had become a festering infection that has spread underneath anything visible. No confrontation. No clearing. No meeting of the minds, just constant underlying revenge at every turn. It has developed into: "No, I am not mad at you, I just hate you." It has infected other relationships, it has manifested into a dismissal of any attempt at reconciliation.

It's easy to forgive when someone accepts your apology. When someone asks for forgiveness. When misunderstandings can be illuminated with truth. There is agreement and a mutual love bond that sustains the rocky hills of differing perspectives.

When cliches and "old wives' tales" govern thinking and positions hold even in the face of new evidence, it is sad.

It is even sadder when it cannot be changed.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Mama

Someday, I want to talk about Mama.
I want to talk to Mama.
I loved her.
I love her.
I miss her.
I miss what we didn't have.
Well, at least not since I was 5.

I do believe she resides in heavenly places.
Maybe she can hear me now.

Mama, let's have a cup o' tea and chat.

It's about health

Re-thinking.
I did go "back to the drawing board" so to speak. I had to. Even though I only lost four pounds, I miss my extra energy, my disposition.... and a number of other things.

So, if my focus is health, why did I cave at the "plateau?"
Well, because old habits die hard. I have missed my pre-non-smoking body for years. Possibly I suffer from body dysmorphia, but even at that, I can see my weight, my body shape.

But I think I might be beginning to appreciate the other benefits associated with a healthy life style. Make no mistake, I am a realist. I don't aspire to a pre-pubescent, boy figure anymore. Except for certain obvious exceptions, I had that figure for over 40 years. I'm not a model, don't want to be one. But I do expect to lose fat and get toned a bit more, have strength and energy.

The Biggest Loser was very inspirational -- but I did not realize those people worked out for SIX hours a day. My one hour, even 45 minutes per day does not compare! I thought I could lose the weight -- it would just take me longer -- but not sooooooooooo long! Sound contradictory? Maybe, but my mind processes like this! It's not always fun being me! :)

So!
Starting Monday, an hour of cardio. I will sweat.
And until I drop sizes, I will have more energy!

Go, Patty!
You can do it.
Yeah, me!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Well, it was inevitable, I guess.
I've hit the wall. I've hit the plateau.

After about only four measly pounds weight loss, I hit a plateau........???
Is that possible?

Since December 19, 2009, till now, 6 days a week (with maaaybeee... 3-4 days off), every morning at 5-ish, alternating treadmill and circuit.
That is TWO MONTHS!
I work hard.
I've cut back on portion sizes.
What is wrong?

Today I am taking a break, doing homework, exercising my mind today.
I'll see more results, I'm sure. I love learning.

I don't know at this point what it takes to lose weight, but I am determined to find out, then DO it.
People say all the time, "Oh, I have no problem losing weight. It's keeping it off that I have a problem with."
Well, I don't say that.
I can't say that.

Four pounds does not a success story make, unless it is accomplished in two weeks, not 2 months.

Back to the drawing board, so to speak.

Go, Patty.
Uh, yeah... right!
Go anyway!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Balancing Act

Paper is written.
Final has been taken.
Class is over.
Waiting on the grade.....
Signing up for the next class.

Working on the degree.
Seriously.

Friends need help.
I love them.
I help.
Cook.
Tutor.
Listen.

Kids with behavioral problems.
Family issues.
Set up meetings.
Kids cry.
Parents bewildered.
Kids lie.

Commitments.

Exercise.
Eat healthfully.
Prepare food.
Don't cheat.

Fun things to do.
Design curricula.
Write tests.
Psychology.
Teach it.
What an opportunity!

I am blessed.
Thank you, Jesus, for my life.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Don't quit..... but if you do......

I couldn't make it that morning.
I didn't feel good and I didn't get enough sleep.
I skipped my morning workout!

One of the reasons I do it in the morning is so I don't have to think about it for the rest of the day. It doesn't hang over my head. Well, when I skipped, even if it was for very good reasons, I had the tendency to obsess. Oh, no, what if I can't go later? What if I am getting sicker? What if.... etc?

So, what if I just re-confirm my commitment, make no provision for the flesh, and decide to do it at another time? Once I decided, well, actually committed, then it was no problem. I worked out after school, didn't have quite so much energy, but ... mission accomplished.

Don't. Ever. Quit.
But.... if you do, fix it!

Yay, Patty, go!
You can do this!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Portion Control

Weight loss. It is about portion control, after all.

You will most likely eat what is on your plate as it is placed in front of you. We "eat with our eyes."
If you are "starving" you might want to load up your plate and eat quickly to satisfy your appetite. But eating quantity does not sate the appetite -- eating slowly does. If you believe having "seconds" is the only way to feel "full," then make them small servings.

We've all heard the guidelines for portion control: a serving of meat is the size of a deck of cards. A serving of spaghetti is the size of a baseball (not a Nerf ball, Patty!) An ounce of cheese -- the size of your thumb. A glass of milk is 8 ounces, not 16. One piece of bread is a serving, not two -- what it takes to make a sandwich.

Eat a half sandwich, but arrange it attractively, cut it diagonally. Folding over a piece of bread slathered with peanut butter feels like a snack, not a meal.

If you normally prepare your own dinner plate, let your spouse or your child do it for you. Then it is not YOU eating with YOUR eyes.

Make that plate one of your pretty-- but smaller-- salad plates. Dinner plates are large, more decorative than anything at this point. If you still want to use them, use them as chargers.

Always set your table. Use the good dishes, cloth napkins, crystal water goblets. Don't forget the tablecloth or the special place mats. Satisfaction really does have much to do with what you see.

I'm not a nutritionist, I am not a fitness instructor or a personal trainer. I am an overweight middle-aged woman who has loved the study of psychology all of my life. I can see many, many applications of how the mind can work in conjunction with a new life-style plan. If every journey begins with the first step, then every decision begins with a thought.

The brain generates solutions as it is presented with ideas; it produces more ideas. The brain does not decide what is wrong or right, it simply seeks to execute the plan it is given. Your mind gives it the plan. Your decisions activate the process.

"I can't help it." "I couldn't stop myself." "I forgot all about my resolution."
All of these statements reflect transitory thoughts that act on momentary impulses.
That's why the guilt follows -- because your brain is still on the right track! Your mind, your decisions, your impulses took you off course.

Be intentional. Act with purpose. Be in charge.

I lost TWO pounds this week!
Yay! Go, go, go, Patty!!!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Evaluation

It 's been going on for about a month now: exercise six days a week, every early morning, starting at 5-ish.
We have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, a little sugar, some milk, usually a cup of coffee or two.
Oatmeal is for our cholesterol count; it's not a diet item. On the weekends we have veggie omelets. Delicious!

Lunch usually consists of either a cup of soup, a multi-vegetable mixture topped with red wine vinegar or a spoonful of dressing, a sandwich on ww bread, or some grilled chicken or turkey breast -- or a duo-combo thereof. If there is cake or cookies in the teacher's lounge, I'll take a tiny piece but that is very, very rare. Sweets are not my downfall.

I even make the soup. Lean cut beef in the slow cooker with fresh veggies for vegetable soup, chili with turkey meat and fresh tomatoes and red, green, and yellow peppers.

Weekly I prepare a vegetable tray with peppers, squash, cucumbers, green onions sometimes, broccoli, cauliflower, grape tomatoes, black olives, banana peppers, and a bed of greens -- spinach and romaine.

Snack often is an apple, sometimes with peanut butter. Sometimes I have a banana or an orange or a half PB sandwich. During the day, I snack on a 1/4 cup portion of protein trail mix, mainly nuts and seeds.

Black coffee, unsweetened tea, quarts of water...
At night hot green tea, occasionally a glass of red wine.

Food selections and portion control seem pretty good so far. Sounds good, huh?

But I'm thinking I get in trouble at suppertime. Everything is early, earlier and earliest, so by the time school is out, I am hungry. Hungry! If we go get pizza, I eat a half (a small pizza at App's is not really small.) If we have tacos, I have five of them. And a diet Pepsi.

Okay, I cook. If we have spaghetti, I have two plates, with cheese and butter, a little sauce. If chicken and noodles are on the menu, I have seconds, mainly because of the noodles. I love any pasta, noodles - packaged or homemade, rice, bread, and French bread is the treat of all treats! Chinese food, have to sample so many dishes! I roast potatoes with olive oil to make "fake" french fries. I whip potatoes with skim milk. Broccoli with a little fake butter, sauteed squash in sesame oil, plain green beans, corn, snow peas, steamed carrots..... stuff like that.

Later snacks can be popcorn (with salt) or once in awhile a trip to the DQ for a small vanilla frozen custard. I eat the cone. Of course.

I have not lost any weight, well, maybe one pound or two, so my lack of weight loss has to be due to the portion sizes in the evening.

So, for this week, I am making a concerted effort to minimize suppertime dishes and servings.
One serving.
Only.
No late snacking.
A little experiment to see if that makes a difference on the scales.

Next week I might try cutting way back on ... salt. Well, maybe not.

Yay, Patty!
You can do it!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The circuit

I love the circuit

15 minutes of fast-paced treadmill
to warm up muscles

18 or 20 reps on the machines
alternating with a minute of step aerobics

total 45 minutes

hip sockets turn smoothly, walking becomes graceful
back is straight, posture tall
breathing is deep, more powerful

energy is abundant
hunger pangs are stilled
temper is mellow
patience is long

sleep is restorative
mornings are welcomed

why didn't I do this years ago?

Monday, January 18, 2010

If it's Monday, it must be treadmill day...

Uphill, incline 5, brisk walking.

Pump, pump, pump

An energizing 3 miles and about 45 minutes later I feel great.

Another day done.

Another day closer to my goal.

Go, go, go.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Back on Track

It's easy to get off track, either on purpose or because of circumstances that happen beyond our control.

But I am back on track, after only one day off. And actually, I partially made up up for it the latter half of that day, just not as intense.

Today I woke up at 5 a.m. as usual, but because it was Saturday, I wanted to indulge in my tradition of watching movies till 9 or 10, then lounge around.... But I turned off the movie before it was over, put on my sneakers and headed for the gym! The workout was intense -- the strength training days are my favorite. I feel great. Full of energy, and ready to tackle the day. Lunch was light, basil tomato soup and cheese toastie.

Strong, purposed, dedicated, committed.

I think it's becoming a habit. For real.
Go, Patty

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

But sometimes...

One vehicle
one driver
driver sick
no travel
no gym
not happy
but
take care of the sick one
and free time

gooooo
yayyy
meee!

Monday, January 11, 2010

No Progress!

No progress, or at least it looks that way.
The scales haven't changed. My clothes fit the same.

But I still claim victory.

I have more energy and I am sleeping restfully and I am getting a lot of things done. And to a task-oriented person, "get'r done" is definitely a measure of success.

But what I count as a victory is that I have not quit. This is week three. I "should" be seeing something, right? In spite of non-visible rewards, I am maintaining my schedule. I know that it will pay off in the long run, or at least that is what I have always heard, always been told.
Experientially, I don't "know" that, however. But I intend to find out for myself.

I know my health will reward me; good health will equip my body to withstand viral and bacterial attack. Improved sleeping patterns will overall benefit every other area of my life.

I am a kinder and gentler Patty.

Go, Me! Yay!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I wanna be a looooooooser!

Of weight, that is, I want to lose weight.

Sometimes I think of my blog as a great place to record weighty thoughts and ponderous issues like political posits, theological questions, life strategies, even simple mind exercises of thought-- but no, now I am going to use it for weighty thoughts -- literally. I journal sometimes, but in this electronic age, with all the electronic toys, blogging is good.

Why lose weight? Well, it used to be because I just wanted to be cute. Now I still want to be attractive (the adjective changes with age -- cute is no longer appropriate) but my doctor advises the weight reduction. Helps with cholesterol, blood pressure, and a myriad of other common complaints that come with being overweight. Maybe age, too, but all the experts say that nothing has to change because of that!

First of all, I am an "apple." That round shape that describes fat accumulation on the stomach, the rear, and thighs. Even my back is a little puffy, for crying out loud!And I still have inproportionate skinny legs and arms.

I see Mrs. Potato Head.

The week before Christmas I decided I would resume my trips to the gym with a purpose and a plan this time. I'm still at it, this second week into the new year. Watching diet, moving, moving, moving -- we'll see. 6 days a week, 3 on for the breathtaking circuit, and 3 days for interval walking on the treadmill.

I always feel great afterwards -- gotta remember that feeling. And energy! Tons more. Well, at least for the part of the day that I generally use it. I get real sleepy at my new bedtime -- about 9 or 10 p.m.

This blog is not meant to be funny. I just want an accountability of my resolve. I keep my BP and weight in another little book -- top secret! :)

I want to encourage and inspire myself.
You go, Patty!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Electronic Communication

We can all think of examples that illustrate mis-spoken or misunderstood communication. You say things on impulse. You regret it. Wish you could repeat it in a different light.

Explain. Defend. Excuse.

If you are chatting in person, you can immediately "fix" it with a smile, a frown, maybe a little other kind of facial expression, or a touch, a gesture.

If you are chatting online, e-mailing, replying, FaceBooking, even blogging, you can be misunderstood. Psychologists tell us that communication is only 3% verbal -- the rest is non-verbal communication.

These adjunct communication signals include facial expression, body language, and how you position your body with relation to the conversant. Mannerisms such as strategic eyebrow-raising can dramatically change the meaning of a simple sentence, double entendre'. Likewise, toe-tapping and finger drumming convey different messages.

Eye contact ... or the lack of it -- that's a big one! Direct gaze, sidelong glances, stare-at-the-ceiling or focusing on an obscure spot somewhere behind the head of the listener speaks volumes for the one who is talking. Gestures, such as covering the mouth with a hand for either the speaker or the listener indicates lying (or exaggerating) or disbelief (or skepticism). Wide eyes, narrow eyes, twinkly eyes.... all add meaning to mere words.

Electronic communication does not showcase a dry sense of humor. Sarcasm is lost in what is understood as real information. Or derogatory remarks. Anger can be confusingly processed by the reader, or simply dismissed as an unidentified remark. "Tongue-in-cheek" certainly can muddy the flow of communication. So often, included in immediate cyberchat is the LOL, the ha, ha, both either capitalized to show some emotion, or followed by grammatical marks such as exclamation points or question marks or quotation marks. Hanging thoughts or suggestions are followed by ....... dot, dot, dot. Tee Hee, <>, sideways smiley or frowny faces are used as attempts to qualify a statement.

Do we edit our own keyboard correspondence? Not usually -- that "Enter" button is so quick to hit-- after all, we know what we mean! It's clear! We do try to edit after it is received and (often) wrongly ) perceived. It was simply a "self-explanatory" note.

Both the speaker and the listener(s) conduct a conversation from their own perspective, in the light of what they know or feel or assume at the moment. I'm not even going to get into texting, another form of sharing thoughts and information. People are connected to the world at a second's notice through personal cell phones -- all at the prompt of a beep, or more likely, a lyrical signal that tells a little bit about the owner.

Teensy keyboards in one little ever-present electronic hand-held pocket-sized device which includes cameras, the Internet, and Google, just to mention a few functional additions, facilitate instant communication.

Ain't technology grand!
You know what I mean.... right? LOL.