Are you co-dependent?

Yes No
[] [] My good feelings about myself stem from being liked by you.

[] [] My good feelings about myself stem from getting your approval.

[] [] My mental attention focuses on relieving your pain

[] [] My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.

[] [] My own interests are set aside for your interests.

[] [] Your behavior is a reflection of me.

[] [] I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of you feel.

[] [] My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.

[] [] My fear of your anger determines what I say or do

[] [] I put my values aside in order to connect with you.

[] [] I value your opinion more than I do my own


If you have marked yes to more than two of these questions, you might be codependent. Consider the following suggestions to becoming independent.

1. Do you agree just to agree?
Codependents agree because they are afraid of confrontation; they just want to keep peace at any cost. Take a risk! The next time you honestly have a different opinion from someone, take a chance and say so. It will feel great!

2. Do you fear repercussions from others when you confront them?
Codependents are under the illusion that everyone needs to be happy all of the time; they do not want to ever experience conflict.
People must learn to deal with their own issues. You can’t solve them all for them. Conflict is growth and we all need to grow.

3. Can you distinguish between gut feelings and emotions?
Codependents have conditioned themselves to always being wrong.
They ignore the “gut feeling” and respond only to emotional pleas or promises.
Sometimes you just “know” what you know. Learn to trust that feeling and ignore the emotional pleas and begging from those who would manipulate you.

4. Do you believe everyone who "advises" you?
Keep counsel with only a selected few. Remember, not everyone will tell you the truth. Maintain counsel with tried and true friends, maybe even a counselor or therapist.
Be aware that people may try to manipulate or control you by misuse of Bible scripture!
There are some Christians who might say “God says…” to convince you to do something that will benefit them, not you.

5. Do you find it difficult to say no?
Codependents must set their own boundaries and realize it is not merely being “selfish.”
You must protect your own personal resources of time, money, and energy. Generally, people don’t really mind if you say “no” – they will just go on to look for someone who will say yes.

6. Do you accept blame for something just to avoid a fight or a confrontation?
It is a matter of personal integrity to assign blame to the offending party. If you wrongly blame yourself, you are lying.

7. Do you feel you have to “rescue” a person from his or her own consequences?
Everyone needs to be responsible for his/her own actions and reap the consequences. It is the law of reaping and sowing. You may not reap others’ rewards or consequences.