Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving

I remember the days...... oh, so long ago, when my babies were little, money was scarce, and time was long. I worked in the food and beverage industry. Restaurants, pubs, they were open all the time. Even on holidays. And they always needed servers. Back in those days, after your shift, you would get a nice big dinner, and if you were really lucky, you could take some home for your kids. We were always so thankful for such feasts that consisted of more than potatoes and eggs or macaroni 'n cheese, the 4 for $1 boxes.

One time I worked in a pizzaria. The best pizza around, and we had this delicious treat for Thanksgiving dinner that year. A large pie would serve dinner and either a midnight snack or even breakfast. Nothing like pizza for breakfast! We wasted not a bite! My son had his fill of pizza that day, and he had left the crunchy crusts on his plate.

I said, "Zach, are you sure you're done?"

He said, "Mommy, do I have to eat the bones?"

Extravagant waste! :) (I kept them for a snack.)

I haven't worked in the service industry for so, so long. It seems a lifetime ago. But I remember getting up early while other people were putting the turkey in the roasting pan and preparing the family meal, that I was getting dressed in my uniform, putting my hair in a ponytail, sometimes sloshing through the year's early snow and slush. I put on a smile. Without the smile I would get no tips. I needed tips.


So this Thanksgiving, I have no more babies. In fact, they have their own babies, and they are growing up fast. They live far away and we can't get together this holiday season. We went out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner. It was fun seeing all the people out, wondering why they were there on this most special holiday. And maybe the servers wanted to work, maybe they had to work; whatever the case, we blessed our waitress with a nice financial blessing. We tipped 100%+ for our meal. She was so surprised! And that was fun to see.

Thank you to all of you servers who sacrifice your time and your family time to serve strangers their dinners. May you be richly blessed!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Forever love.....

If you love her, then she is irreplaceable.

If you love how you feel when she is with you, then almost anybody will fit the bill.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Biblical Counseling and the Church: Who Can Counsel?

While there may be no truly effective counsel without God, is there no hope for those who do not know God? Are those without church affiliation bereft of counsel, divine or otherwise? Is there a line drawn in the sand between psychology and Godly counsel?

An entire discipline cannot be contrasted with a single declaration of faith. One does not replace the other. Psychology is not the opposite of Biblical truth; neither are the two concepts mutually exclusive of one another. Applied psychology is simply a key that has the ability to unlock a heart closed by pain and to allow the Word of God to heal that heart.

Traditional fundamental Christians who assert that the Bible is the source of all knowledge disparage all other forms of wisdom, specifically in the area of psychology. The original meaning of the word psychology came from the Greek word psyche, meaning mind, and the suffix ology, meaning the study of. In other words, psychology is a science that studies the mind and deals with mental processes and the resulting behavior. The now- recognized discipline of psychology was birthed in philosophy, which is described as that which deals with the soul and the mind and their relationship to life and life’s functions. Because the topic of study is the mind, something that is neither tangible nor fully describable, conclusions are very often subjective, therefore easy for critics to hold in contempt. Within the broad scope of psychology is included a number of expressions: child psychology, educational psychology, social, sports, and comparative psychology, to name a few. Research psychology investigates the rationale of human behavior through measurable and compelling kinds of studies and methodologies to provide evidence for varying hypotheses concerning the human condition. Applied psychology, which is most often referred to when discussing the general topic of psychology, describes many approaches such as behaviorist, cognitive behavior, psychodynamic, physiological, humanistic, and social constructionist. It is practiced as counsel or therapy by a counselor or a therapist. Many of these approaches employ a number of psychological tools such as questionnaires, introspection, emotional intelligence, and temperament theory, to mention only a few.

All counsel is not necessarily found in a psychologist’s office or a psychoanalysist’s couch. Alternatively, those who counsel using the Word of God are not exclusive dispensers of consolation or comfort. Education and training are not strictly confined to the secular arena.

The Word of God has much to say about counsel and comfort. A student of the Word will discover many different perspectives using word studies and conceptual research. These guidelines may be imparted through personal study or as the result of another’s efforts. The same guidelines may possibly be combined with experience or further study through the use of various tools; however, every iota of advice or counsel is still subordinate to the sovereign will of God.

One of the most oft mentioned descriptors of friendship is empathy. Individuals are able to understand the fears or tears or the unspoken grief of their friends perhaps because of previous experiences that are comparable. Referring to God as the “Father of all mercies, and the God of all comfort” the Apostle Paul says he “ comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God (II Corinthians 1:3-4 KJV). The Apostle Paul also addresses the members of the new church in Thessalonica:
“… comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” (I Thess.5:11, NKJV). In these Scriptures and many others similar to them, the Bible seems to endorse peer counseling with regard to sympathy and encouragement, as in providing “a shoulder to lean on.” And in the voice of present day counseling psychology, Paul advises the brethren to “warn those that are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, and be patient with all” (I Thess. 5:14, NKJV). Mothers can comfort their children as no one else can. Little ones will silence cries only in the arms of their mothers. The prophet Isaiah proclaims the Word of the Lord in the last chapter of his book as God analogizes the comfort of a mother to His comfort: “As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you: and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem” (Isaiah 66:13 KJV). God created the unique and special relationship between a mother and her child. A mother’s comfort is second to none but the comfort of the Father, the Creator.

The beloved Apostle John specifically refers to grief counseling when he relates the story of the two sisters on the death of their brother Lazarus: “And many of the Jews came to Martha and Mary, to comfort them concerning their brother.” (John 11:19 KJV). In funeral traditions of today, many gather to pay their respects to the deceased and offer condolences to the surviving family members. One of the main functions of a funeral director is not only to prepare the deceased for burial, but to console the grief-stricken and provide them with solace.

The Bridge is the name of a group of peer counselors at Stanford University in California who make themselves available to students and others in neighboring communities. They are prepared to simply listen or talk if necessary, but their goal is to help their clients to develop their own solutions through personal interaction. The counselor or listener may remain silent as the client is encouraged to talk, often articulating their own recovery process. A good counselor listens and guides his client to a solution. A friend listens and can achieve the same outcome. The volunteer staff of The Bridge undergo a ten week-training program to begin, followed by ongoing training and evaluation. They undergo periodic refresher classes to stay sensitive and informed.

Too much sorrow or regret may create a bondage for the afflicted that prevents healing. Friends forgive each other and in doing so promote comfort as well. The apostle Paul instructs the church at Corinth that they should “forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow (II Cor. 2:7 KJV). “Overmuch sorrow” could definitely be correlated to modern day depression, the number one reason why people seek a listening ear of any kind.

For the fact-finder reluctant to share personal information, there are other, more solitary alternatives to professional counseling or peer-counseling. Library shelves and bookstore shelves are lined with self-help books found not only in psychological categories, but religious ones as well. One such book is Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types, co-authored by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. The book focuses on the sixteen personality types identified by Keirsey to learn how to relate to self or peers to promote mutual understanding and interrelationship. God is a God of relationship.

Another option is to consult online counseling centers which often operate on a question and answer format. General topical information is presented, covering a range of relevant situations. Online Christian websites often identify sin and unforgiveness as the origin of many unresolved conflicts. Many websites utilize interactive questionnaires to identify personalities and/or temperaments of self and others to recognize certain relational scenarios common to all people. Self-knowledge and self-understanding provide a foundation for the way an individual views the world and its occupants and how to better relate from a particular perspective. Through time spent in the Scriptures and armed with even a rudimentary understanding of self, an individual may counsel him- or herself in certain matters where an honest perspective of oneself is reached. If a person is troubled with a situational predicament, he may draw on his own strength garnered from daily devotions and prayer. Teaching the ancient Romans, the apostle Paul says: “For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. (Romans 15:4. KJV).

Christian counseling is often contrasted with secular counseling, and many times presents a definite bias against the secular profession. CWIB, Clay Women in Business, is an organization that provides a networking system for business women in Clay County, Florida. They use their business-oriented website, in part, as a platform for popular opinion to draw distinctions between Christian counseling versus secular counseling. Such critics decry the validity of secular counseling and dismiss it wholly. Many aspects of secular counseling techniques may be applicable to the field of Christian counseling. To weigh the Creator against a human counselor refers to two different realms. God Himself does not physically sit in the counselor’s chair, but certainly may be represented by a human being.

The Question

The Christian Response

The Secular Response

Who is the counselor?

God

Professional

Who sits on the throne?

God

Self

What is the foundation of truth?

The Holy Bible

New Age, etc.

What is the focus?

Inside: Heart

Outside: Behavior

What is the purpose?

Character formation

Building self-esteem

What is desired outcome?

Make one holy

Make one happy

What parts of man’s nature is addressed?

Mind, body, and

spirit.

Mind (emotions, thoughts, will, behavior) and body

What is the goal?

Freedom

Coping

Partial chart is illustrated

This chart represents an anti-psychology viewpoint. It also ignores a few practical applications, labeled as “secular,” by which Truth is often sought. Semantics serve only to unnecessarily widen the gap between the two comparisons. A humanistic approach most certainly will not result in wholeness, but an understanding of self and confidence may open the door to the restorative power of the Word and the Creator. A client who has reached a functioning level of self-esteem more fully resembles a Christian who is surrendered to Christ. A healthy self-esteem does not constitute an introspective, self-centered view. The realization of the love of God essentially replaces even healthy self-esteem, as humility is comprehended. The client can look within himself and determine his own motivation, according to the love of the Father as he understands it. Likewise, a person who has achieved happiness is more likely to advance towards the joy and holiness that is available only through the Christian perspective. A troubled client who has developed coping strategies is more easily receptive to the idea of freedom in Christ. Secular counseling is not necessarily a “cure” in itself but perhaps it can be instrumental to wholeness and health in Jesus Christ.

The Pastoral Counseling Center hosts a website and is “dedicated to educating Christians for the ministry of pastoral counseling.” Its long-time association as a certified academic institution with NCCA, the National Christian Counseling Association, affords the organization credibility and high standing in the world of counseling. Counselors emerge licensed and insured through the intensive training program. Also provided are courses that lead to undergraduate and graduate degrees in Christian counseling. One of the main tools is the Arno Profile System which implements temperament theory, the God-given character of mankind. It provides a “reliable, insightful treatment model with excellent success rates.” The A.P.S. identifies individual strengths and weaknesses, and emotional needs, and then demonstrates to the client how to meet those needs in healthy ways.

Christian counselors also contrast their trade with the secular version of counseling. Secular counselors may not be legally permitted to use the Word of God or to advocate a personal relationship with Jesus as resources to achieve peace and direction. The Truth, in the person of Jesus Christ, is presented unreservedly and liberally to the Christian client. The laws of God provide a framework of instruction. The Psalmist responds to God: “Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors” (Psalm 119:24.) Christian counselors understand that secular counseling merely teaches a client compatible ways to live with a disorder, while Christian counseling teaches deliverance.

According to the Pastoral Counseling Center, meaningful credentials require a significant amount of training in uniquely Christian ways, along with a commitment to serve. Training also includes one-on-one supervision with a highly qualified and experienced counselor.

Both Christian and secular counselors who feel called to the profession acknowledge a sincere desire to help people. Most reputable counselors of both persuasions have advanced degrees and have spent years in learning to help lost souls find meaning and purpose to their lives. Both camps are trained not only to be sympathetic but analytical as well in dealing with various problems a client might have.

So, what specifically is Christian counseling? Does it come from a graduate of an NCCA-affiliated organization? Is it counseling with a mature Christian brother or sister? Is it counseling which uses the Bible exclusively as a text? Beneficial Christian counseling surpasses secular counseling in that it has as its source the indisputable moral standard and enduring ethics of the Bible while secular counseling ignores resources from the spiritual realm. Instead, secular counseling focuses on the mind, the emotions, and the resulting behavior. Christian counselors always give Scriptural advice; but in the case of a non-believer, the advice is not identified as such. Jesus is the Answer to any problem a potential client may have, whether he be a believer or not.

A Christian counselor, or to be more specific, a Biblical counselor is trained to recognize sin, for example, as the root of a problem. Unforgiveness may be the hindrance to peace. God must be at the center of a Christian’s life. Questions of belief and faith are answered according to the Word of God. Not only will a Christian/Biblical counselor teach his client about the Father’s love and His practical wisdom, but an effective counselor will also address other attributes of God such as His sovereignty, holiness, justice, and power to explain troublesome circumstances in the life of the client. The client will appreciate that obedience and submission to the will of God is the key to health and wholeness. As therapy continues, the client is advised to attend a local Spirit-filled church where he may be further equipped with the benefits of worship, preaching, spiritual gifts, and church discipline.

The Emmaus Center, a counseling center in the state of Washington, describes itself as one “that integrates Christian values with clinical psychology, partnering with local churches, families and individuals in order to bring spiritual, emotional, and physiological wellness into people’s lives.” This is the ideal counseling setting. Dr. Larry Crabb of The Emmaus Center describes Christian counseling in terms of levels. Level one defines friendship counseling as counseling by encouragement. This can be highly effective and is possible with a trusted, faithful friend. I Thessalonians 5:11 states that Christians “should comfort and edify one another.” Level two is called lay counseling; that which is counseling by exhortation. This level implies that one is more grounded in Scripture than the other, at least at the time of counsel. One of the conditions of this relationship is that both client and counselor should be of the same gender. The Scriptures are consulted and liturgy is taught. The Holy Spirit is often the agent by which comfort is achieved. Consider the words of Luke in Acts 9:31: “Then had the churches rest throughout all Judaea and Galilee and Samaria, and were edified; and walking in the fear of the Lord, and in the comfort of the Holy Ghost, were multiplied” (KJV). The third level applies clinical counseling, which is counseling by enlightenment. This level demands a truly Biblical worldview with a firm grasp on theology. The Bible is the final authority: “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to the dividing of soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12 NIV.) Counselors not only are grounded in Scripture but are also trained in techniques to uncover factors which are not apparent to the client or most casual observers. God does not look differently on health issues that concern the body or the mind or the emotions. Whether a person experience failing health of the body, the mind, or the emotions, God looks on the heart and discerns motivations. Many times an inner conflict will manifest as a physical ailment. Contrariwise, for example, depression may result from fatigue or chronic pain. Only the discerner of the heart can truly know the motivations, and knowing, He has already provided healing and restoration. “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) The many-sided suffering of Christ suggests comprehensive healing, including more than one area of need.

The third level of counseling as described by Dr. Crabb is the model by which effective Christian counseling successfully follows. For clients who have severe issues that threaten their emotional and spiritual well-being, the third level of Christian counseling addresses their needs. Qualified counselors may be licensed ones or clergy. The local pastor may be the preferred option for a person seeking counsel because certain expectations of training are taken for granted. As Christian counseling is not guaranteed simply because the counselor is a practicing Christian, neither is it because the counselor is a pastor. According to a study conducted by the Francis A. Schaeffer Institute of Church Leadership Development (FASICLD), 75% of the pastors surveyed acknowledged that their seminary training was inadequate with regard to personal counseling. Dr. Richard J. Krejcir a pastor himself, added the FASICLD study in his extensive exploration into the plight of America’s pastors. He carefully notes that he repeated his earlier findings to retest his data with two groups of pastors who were interviewed in separate years, and the results of both groups remained consistent. Some noteworthy observations are listed:

· 100% of the pastors surveyed had a close seminary associate who left the ministry because of a burn-out, a conflict in their church, or from a moral failure.

· 89% considered leaving the ministry themselves, and 57% would actually do so if there were a better offer, including the secular fields.

· 81% reported having no regular discipleship program, or mentoring program, or an effective effort to teach their congregation to deepen their Christian values at church. (Krejcir emphasizes that this pertains exclusively to Reformed or Evangelical, not the mainline pastors.)

· 77% felt that they did not have a good marriage.

· 72% said that they only studied the Bible when they were preparing for sermons. This concludes that 38% read the Bible for devotions and personal study.

· 71% battle depression on a weekly and even a daily basis.

· 38% were divorced or involved in a divorce process.

· 30% admitted to having an on-going affair or a one-time encounter with a parishioner.

· 26% had personal devotions but felt inadequately fed spiritually.

Only 23% of the pastors surveyed reported being happy with whom they are in Christ, and in their church, and in their homes. (Statistics on Pastors.) Pastors are human, and it must be remembered that ultimately, it is only God, in the person of Jesus Christ and by the power of the Holy Spirit who is the One who heals.

If a person finds himself in need of counseling, he would be prudent to explore his many options. The wise author of Proverbs says: “Counsel in the heart of man [is like] deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.” (Prov. 20:5 KJV.)

Who can draw out the counsel in your heart?

Who is your “man of understanding?”